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English
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Part 19 of stared at the sun and the sun smiled back and called itself pirate king (or: loyalty, on the high seas)
Collections:
one piece fics that fix my depression, Fanfics I Wish Were Canon 3000
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Published:
2024-07-07
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1,263
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1/1
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ferromagnetism

,

Summary:

"What are you doing?" she asks, turning in her chair to face him fully.

He clears his throat, shifts uncomfortably in place, doesn't quite meet her eyes. The plate balanced on his hand stays level. "Sorry, Nami-san?"

She clarifies: "Do you think you need to act like this for me to forgive you?"

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Sanji interrupts her in the chartroom, three pretty little desserts balanced on a plate in one hand, shutting the door with the other. Says, "I've brought you something sweet to lighten your workload, Nami-san!"

"You have," Nami says.

His smile, already more plastic than usual, falters slightly at the flatness in her voice. He busies himself setting the little treat on a napkin on the desk with a flourish, safely out of the way of her pen but still within easy reach. A little fruit tart, brushed with butter and sugar, topped with a curl of tangerine peel. She can tell without even tasting it that it will remind her of home.

"Anything else I can bring you?" he asks, hovering, voice touched with anxiety. "Coffee, maybe? Or-"

She sets her pen down, and he goes quiet.

"What are you doing?" she asks, turning in her chair to face him fully.

He clears his throat, shifts uncomfortably in place, doesn't quite meet her eyes. The plate balanced on his hand stays level. "Sorry, Nami-san?"

She clarifies: "Do you think you need to act like this for me to forgive you?"

His smile falls; he swallows, throat clicking, and doesn't say anything, which is as good as a yes.

"Well, stop it," she says, tapping the end of her pen on the desk. "I'm not the person you have to apologize to, anyways."

"I know that," he says, quickly. Glances sideways at the plate in his hand- the two desserts left, and Carrot the only other woman on the ship. She can read between the lines. "I know that. But."

She raises an eyebrow, and waits.

"I hurt you, too," he says, eventually.

"You did," she concedes.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay," she says. "I'm not the person who gets to forgive you, either."

"He's not angry at me," he says, and sounds like he doesn't quite believe it himself. "You are."

"That's right," she says, and then, when he doesn't move: "Do you think I don't understand?"

The frozen cast of his face crumples, finally, into something like horror.

"Of course not-" he says, then stops. Swallows.

Nami stares at him, pinches the corner of her map between her thumb and forefinger. "You're not the only one who's pulled this," she says. "You know you're not the only one who's pulled this. You were there, Sanji. When Robin. When I." She keeps her voice level. "What made you think this time would be different?"

He puts the plate down. Twists his hands together, fingers reaching around his wrists.

Admits, eventually, "I was afraid."

"Do you think I wasn't?"

"I was afraid," he says again, and Nami does, actually, sort of want to hit him. "They were threatening my father. My crew. What else was I supposed to do?"

Nami stands up. Pushes her chair in. Steps around her desk. Plants herself in front of him.

"Are you," she says, and keeps her voice level, "or are you not a crewmate of the Pirate King?"

There's only one answer, and they both know it. He hesitates, still, for a heartbeat, and she hates him for it just a little.

"Of course I am," he says, looking away. He laughs, sparse. "I mean... look at all the trouble he went to for me. You all went to for me. But-"

"There is no but!"

He goes quiet again.

She forces herself to stop. Takes a deep breath. "Do you think he would ever say," she says, level again, "'Sanji is my chef, but?'"

"He should, maybe," Sanji says, and looks like he regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

"You're an idiot," she tells him. "He would starve to death first."

His next breath shakes on the inhale. "I know that now," he says.

"You're an idiot," she says again, and her chest hitches. "You think your fear is something special? You think I wasn't terrified then? For Nojiko? For all of you? You think I'm not terrified all the time?" She jabs a finger into his sternum for emphasis, and he stares down at her, eyes wide.

"Nami-san," he says, and swallows again. Says, eventually, again: "I'm sorry."

"I told you I don't want you to say sorry to me," she says. "That's not what this is about."

"I don't know how else to fix it," he confesses, voice frayed at the edges. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to be a Straw Hat Pirate," she tells him. She doesn't sound any less distraught than he does, she thinks.

He winces. Works his mouth. Says, "I am." Takes a shuddering breath. "I am."

"Then act like it!" Oh. She's crying. She takes her own long, unsteady breath, balls her fists.

"Nami-san-"

"Don't say my name like that," she snaps. It comes out harsher than she'd like, and at the same time not harsh enough at all. "Not 'till you can act like my crewmate again."

Sanji reaches up to touch her, hesitates, drops his arm. Smart.

"He's going to be King of the Pirates," she tells him. Her vision's blurry; her voice is warbly, unsteady. So much for composure. Oh, fuck it. "I thought- I thought you knew that."

His voice is small too, at least. "I do. Of course I do."

Nami blinks, hard and fast. She grabs Sanji's sleeves, loose fabric crumpling in her fists.

"He's going to be King of the Pirates," repeats Sanji.

"Obviously," says Nami. She shakes her head until she can see again. Until she can see from the perspective of the thief newly-freed and not just the Pirate King's navigator. It doesn't really work. "So if you believe in him- If you trust him- If you really do, if you're a Straw Hat Pirate-"

"I am," says Sanji, plaintively, above her head, and she buries her face in his chest and screams.

"If you are," Nami says, "then where's your faith in him?"

He hesitates long enough that Nami looks back up at him, sees him looking back down at her like he's never seen her before.

"You thought a mere Emperor was going to stop him? Some color-coded creeps? You and your fear?" She yanks at his sleeves. "We're pirates. Captain's word is law. If you're going to doubt him, why're you even here?"

He drags in another long, shuddering breath. And then he nods.

"I won't," he says. Repeats: "I won't. Not again. I promise."

"You don't have to promise me," she says, her hands still shaking in his shirtsleeves. She drops them, wraps her arms around him instead, hides her face in his shirt and clutches at him like he's made of gold. He goes very still. "Prove it to him. Trust your captain. Idiot."

She feels him swallow. A hand settles on her shoulder, cautious. She sniffles, tightens her hands in the back of his shirt. Greedy, greedy, greedy.

"I will," he says, and for once doesn't sound so damn uncertain about it. "I will."

"Good," she says, and squeezes him once, hard, before she lets go and steps back. He doesn't look any more composed than she does, eyes wet and red.

She scrubs at her eyes with the heel of her hand for a moment, then gives up. Nods at the plate, still sitting on the desk, and its pair of delicate little desserts. "Well? What are you waiting for, cook? Bring him his food."

His lips twitch up, shaky, as he picks up the plate.

He gives her a little bow, and goes.

Notes:

this fic is about how nami was playing the same model of loyalty role in wci that zoro did in water 7/enies lobby, and the reversal that represents from sanji siding with zoro against nami re:usopp in that arc. she handles it different than zoro! but she's the one who turned away from sanji when he chose to turn away from the crew, and she's the one who saw luffy enter a hopeless fight and immediately took command and repeated captain's orders to break every mirror on the ship

neither sanji or nami are really in the right here . but nami knows there's only really one way to tackle post-leaving the crew self esteem issues, and that's having faith